Only the Beginning August 19, 2008Posted by LHK in Uncategorized.
One thing to know about me is that I have terrible timing. I’ve got a knack for starting on a long walk with my dog in the minutes before a thunderstorm. I show up to parties too early. I wear sweaters on warm days and short skirts on cold days. And I stopped blogging regularly just when everyone else in the world was discovering it, and thus turning it into a viable hobby / professional venture when, in the past, during my heyday, it had been nothing more than the oddity of “online journaling” – supposedly little more than a haven for lonely exhibitionists, teenage poets, and people posting pictures of their cats.
People would ask me, “L., do you have a blog?” I admit I seem exactly like the type of person who would have a blog.
And I would say, “Uhhh… sort of? But you can’t see it?” Because what else, really, is there to say about a friends-only Livejournal with heaping amounts of oversharing?
I realized that keeping my writing hidden was the opposite of the reason I’d started a website in the first place. And I have to admit that I hated not getting the credit for being a longtime blogger, which is exactly what happened with the whole I-have-an-invisible-blog! plan. How can you talk seriously about your experience as a blogger while not being able to produce a shred of evidence of said experience? Some would say that ten-plus years of online journal entries is something to be ashamed of. But not me! Granted, you won’t catch me re-posting all of those entries to this site, but I’ll definitely put up a few. A representative sampling, as far as any of you will know.
It’s funny how my combination of nerves and excitement and impatience and frustration at starting this new site is so much like how it was when I posted my first entry in the fall of 1997. I was itching to get myself out there, and I had dozens of ideas for entries. But the first one was the hardest. I was struck with a bout of perfectionism — I wanted to introduce the journal in the best possible way. I wanted the first entry to be a manifesto of sorts. I wanted it to set the tone for the entire rest of the project (a tricky goal, since I did have an inkling even then that I was starting something that would last a long, long time). I wasted a lot of time that way, and when the first entry finally went up it was little more than a slice of mental vomit about how badly I wanted to start my journal. This is, uh, much the same, isn’t it?